TOP FIVE REGRETS OF THE DYING
Don’t wait until your health fails before living the life you want to live
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected: denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Yet every single patient found peace before departing. Every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they’d made, or not made.
It’s important to try to honor at least some of your dreams along the way. It’s too late once you lose your health. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This comes from every male patient. They missed much their children's youth and had almost completely sacrificed their partner's precious companionship. Women also speak of this regret, but many were from an older generation, and had not felt the pressure as a primary breadwinner. 100% of the men deeply regret spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
All too often people do not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks, so due to so many years of relationship neglect it was difficult to almost impossible to track them down. Many people become so caught up in their own lives that they just let golden friendships slip away over the years. It is common for most people to harbor many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort they had deserved. Being disconnected further isolates the individual and results in the sadness of being lonely because everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone swallowed up by a busy lifestyle to allow friendships to slip away over time. But when faced with approaching death, the physical details of life simply fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. All that remains in the end is the love you feel and the relationships that has supported your life.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Last but certainly not least this wish is very common regret. Many did not realize until the end that happiness was always their choice to have or not. Most stay stuck in repeated patterns and old, well rooted habits. The so-called “comfort zone” of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. The overwhelming fear of change force many to live a lie by projecting a distortion to others, and even to themselves, of being fulfilled and content. Faced with the truth at last most people are desperate for enough time to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is the furthest thought from your mind. The only thought now is how wonderful it would have been to have acquired the ability to just let go and smile long ago before you are faced with your death.
Life is a choice. Your choice. Your life.
Choose consciously, choose wisely and choose honestly.
Choose happiness.
